Healthy Relationships

All relationships are different, but healthy relationships share at least five things in common - the S.H.A.R.E. qualities.

• Safety: In a healthy, equal relationship, you feel safe. You don't have to worry that your partner will harm you physically or emotionally, and you aren't tempted to harm them. You can change your mind about something - like having sex - without being afraid of how your partner will respond.

• Honesty: You don't hide anything important from your partner, and can say what you think without fear of being ridiculed. You can admit to being wrong, and you resolve disagreements by talking honestly.

• Acceptance: You accept each other as you are. You appreciate your partner's unique qualities, such as shyness or spaceyness, and don't try to "fix" them. If you don't like your partner's qualities, you shouldn't be with that person.

• Respect: You think highly of each other. You treat each other as equals – neither one of you is “the boss.”  You do not feel superior or inferior to your partner in important ways. You respect each other's right to have separate opinions and ideas.

• Enjoyment & Equality: A good relationship is not just about how two people treat each other – it also has to be fun! (If it's not fun, why bother?) In a healthy, equal relationship, you feel energized and alive in your partner's presence.  You can play and laugh together.

The opposite of a healthy, equal relationship is an abusive relationship. Abusive relationships revolve around control, fear, and lack of respect. Usually, one partner has control while the other lives in resentment or fear.

Abusive relationships can involve threats, name-calling, blaming, guilt-tripping, jealous questioning, and outright violence.

If you suspect you're in an abusive relationship, there's a good chance you are. Perhaps you know deep down that you'd be better off without the relationship but are afraid to leave it. You can get help from a parent, school counsellor, doctor, nurse, social worker, health care professional or anyone else you trust. Your doctor or local sexual clinic can help you get the help you need. 

Being in an abusive relationship hurts your self-esteem.  You owe it to yourself to get out.